2021 Update

 

   Hi readers if I still have any. I know its been two whole years since my last one and the reasoning the same. I am still doing my degree and technically in my final semester but with everything going on right now I am still the same girl with new different things to be anxious about. I am not sure if this means I am back on the blogging grind but I weirdly still feel a need to update on where I am, where you could find me more if not this blog and it felt like the mood to write this came and I jumped on it.

    So I am right now trying to do my best with doing my final stretch of degree on a virtual online platform and my weakness for getting things done and time managing hit me so hard. Not being able to be where my family is right now in Sabah has caused tons of different strains no one is prepared for but I want to leave you all also things I am doing to do to try work on it. I am taking therapy (it has been hard work but its definitely relieved my emotional overwhelm-ness which sometime cripples me from doing anything. Call it depression or loneliness or all of them, its 2020 we're talking about). I done my internship and I did pretty well which was kind of my big highlight for 2020 cause I for sure had a couple mini breakdowns and hands down was plagued with the heaviest of imposter syndrome. Currently we are on an indefinite break but I did one season of podcasting (called Nuts&Berry, check us out you can find plenty of our episodes there where we cover a lot from lifestyle reviews to what is up with the dating scene right now. We are also on instagram as @nutsnberry) with one of my best soulmates, Denise, and gosh damn we are still proud that we did that and we are still constantly discussing on how to continue that into our working adulthood so don't worry. I started kind of like an aesthetic account with my roommate where so far we mostly post about our shoots and we are handling lots of fun having some creative release whilst being stuck at home(our handle is @prettypaiseh). Despite the estrangement from daily scenarios like meeting people and having physical class and a more robust social life, I find I am still making and trying to maintain connections and am so incredibly thankful for it (life is going fairly simple for me but if you still want to know what's up with me regardless, my IG handle is @twistlist). Its hard trying to reach out and trying to live life quarantined but I am happy that I have adapted to smaller ways to make up for that. Either by discord game nights or random zoom calls, they all kept me so afloat to be able to talk, vent and connect. 

   I hope the same for you. I hope whatever you're going through, that life is especially kind to you. I hope that you aren't afraid to reach out. If you are reading this, I want you to know we survived 2020 and I am downright proud of us. Happy New Year! I hope to impart you some hope and with that I leave you with an excerpt from a letter I was writing to 2020 per my therapist recommendation:

" It felt like waddling in the dark for so damn long and it still kinda is but at least now I am more equipped. So I hope 2021 is the same, where no matter how dark it feels, I can trust I'll try again and again to make it less dimmer and more clearer. That no matter how long it takes, I won't stop trying anyway and to also remember I can still simply on the light and reach out for the switch. Call for help and someone will answer. 2021 may be filled with scary unknowns but I do not walk alone in it."